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September 25, 2009 @ 1:38 pm

Notes From a Reader: The Mailers

Mailed to my cats Snagglepuss Jr., Ms. Meow, and The RatMaster 5000

From Kurt Strahm, Restless:

Thank you MIKE for all the big sturdy campaign ads I keep gettin’ in the mail!

In between me, my 5 cats, 3 dogs, my surrogate taxpayer rabbit Mr. Chuckles, and the “Dirty Dozen” rats I been trainin’ to pull the miniature Santa sled I found in a dumpster — all of us registered to vote — we been gettin’ 20 mailers a day!

Soon I will have enough to paper the walls, ceilin’ and floor of my tar paper shack down here by the crick, near where Kings County meets the Queens. (I don’t want to tell nobody which crick, ’cause then they’d all be movin’ down here!)

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank your ad people for usin’ such good lookin’ models, and thank your momma for bequeathin’ you such a nice soft pleasin’ face yourself — since I’m gonna be lookin’ at all y’all for the next 10 years at least!

In fact, since I hear there is no way you can lose, might I suggest you just get elected every 8 years? ‘Cause these things is that sturdy — sturdy as a country girl who can churn butter before breakfast, plow the field all day, and birth a baby in between supper and singin’ the chickens to sleep!

Loquaciously Yours,
Festus T. Tennessee, Esq., PhP, DoD

Yup, the T. is for Tennessee too. My friends call me Tennessee, MIKE, and you can too! Done forgot what them letters after my name is for, so I can’t rightly throw ’em away now, can I?

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